The trap..Why I choose not to participate.

Recently a good friend of mine and I had a discussion on dating younger people. I of course have not dated anyone for some time now,  I actually can not remember the last time I went out on a date or viewed someone in such a manner. I digress, that is for another time and place.

When I was young(er), I fancied myself as being far to mature for those of my age. There was some truth in it. But for me to consider myself an equal to the men I courted would be a joke. What I sought and what I needed where two different things. This conflict between what I wanted and what was needed led to all relationships ending at best poorly.

I did not see the pattern until the difference in age was significantly reduced. That and watching my elder friends relationships end strangely the same way every single time. How could this be? The people they dated looked nothing alike save for their youth, 

Contrary to the crazy phrase "you complete me", two halves in a relationship does a whole not make. It is called being co dependent, and that is not a good thing.  Looking at it from my perspective as the youth enamored by the farther figure who appears to have it all together, I want what he has. Note this is not a material want, It is a desire to live life carefree and secure in oneself. I also wanted to feel safe, This was before therapy. When I was running from the trauma of abuse without even knowing what it was that made me so fearful.

The lure, for most mature men is the vulnerability they see in ones so young. They are not quiet jaded by life. They are teachable/trainable. They are the ones who sit in the seat of power. Can they not see the forest for the tree. You can not be a lover one moment. Then a farther figure the next. Place yourself as a parent and suffer the resentment of the child.

Oops I gave it away far too soon. Some of you may have blinked. I will approach it from the eyes of the young one seeking out a much older wiser being at least that is what he had thought in the beginning. When we place someone up on a pedestal and find out they are only human some feel duped or misled. Perfection was never promised by this elder but it was implied. How dare he tell me what is right or wrong. He is not my farther. He is not qualified to be my farther. These words hold true to me. I sang them quiet a few times in my youth.

 Off with his head the king is dead. And I would begin my quest for the rightful ruler of the house not knowing I was there all along. There is only one king in my kingdom and that is me. If and when I so chose to share It will be with another king who rules his kingdom fearlessly. 

I have no desire to lead nor have I any interest in following. Do not ever come to me bragging about what you can do for me.  I will be bored before you have even gotten started. That is the trap I stopped falling for many years ago. 

Let us see what we can do for each other together as well as apart. I live for no other reason than to see what is on the other side. I want to know, This desire is what fuels me. If it is not something that we share? I suggest you seek out your partner elsewhere. 

Buster Sly